All Knotted Up

That's my insides. Right over there. To your left. No, your OTHER left. Yeah, not so good for sleeping. Or eating. Or breathing for that matter.

Being anxious like this reminds me of being with B. No wonder I had a dream with him in it last night! Those 4 years are ancient history, though. And this anxiety, though it feels the same, isn't the same. I still don't know if it's ok, though.

I'm a good girl. I don't get myself into these situations. This doesn't happen to people like me. Right? WRONG. Again. But I don't think I did anything wrong, did I? Did I? I'm gonna be a hermit this weekend. I'm going to sit with my anxiety and my feelings and untie. Because at the middle of the knot is my heart. I've put all these ropes around it to make things more difficult, more complicated. To make him work for it and show he really wants it. Is it fair to make it that hard?

R, thank you for your apology. I'll tell you tomorrow, but in case you get here first... thank you. There's a lot of things I'm not used to, and that is one of them. Are you sure I'm not dreaming?