Sanctuary

This is my haven, my safe place, my escape. The picture is Race Point Beach on Cape Cod, where I spent a week of my summer. I got there right at sunset... the color of the sky seems almost reflected on the sand... And so this has become my sanctuary, where I go in my head when the rest of the world is just too much. It brings me comfort, peace, and most of all, relief.

I think I've decided. I'm not entirely sure yet and I have painful conversations ahead of me, but I think I've decided. This means tears, explanations.... HURT... but in the end it has to be what it has to be. And then I will escape to my beach to be alone and be ok.

There's something about the ocean that allows me to pour all my pain and hurt and anguish and stress into it and it swallows them and fills me with peace. The ocean doesn't end... it keeps going and refreshing itself. It sustains so much life. People are drawn to it. I am drawn to it. I can be alone there and not feel lonely.

I can be alone there and not feel lonely........ This is a key statement for me. Loneliness has been a huge part of my life for the last year. The few times I thought I might have beat it.... I was disappointed. And now, when I'm at a place where being alone is ok, and being lonely might even be a little ok.... I don't know where to go. And so I retreat to my alone haven. The place where I feel full and complete without anyone next to me.

Just me and my ocean.